Category Archives: Uncategorized

Seems to be a theme going here……

Have you ever had one of those mornings when you look in the mirror and wonder what exactly happened…..

That was me this past week.

When did I get to be this age? I do realize that we have crossed this topic before but I really feel that this is an important subject that needs to be analyzed right nearly to death!

I have a military reunion coming up in May. I will be seeing some people who I haven’t seen in 30 years and no matter how much I prepare myself I am always a little shocked at how much people change. I often wonder if they look at me and feel the same way…..

I know I sound so very vain and as much as I’d like to think that I’m not, that I’m aging gracefully(whatever the hell that is) I want to fight this to the bitter end! I will do everything it takes in an attempt to reverse the years of damage from thinking I was 10 foot tall and bullet proof!

I don’t want to be old in any shape or form. I have too many questions and my bucket list is long. I know that time is against me. I try not to but lately I’m a bit consumed by the fact that I blink and just like that another month is gone. Seems the older I get the faster life is.

As I get older I am also learning to let go of things and of people. When you look back and start putting the pieces to your puzzle together sometimes after many years parts need to be discarded because they just don’t fit with who you have become. We all change. Some more than others and some not much at all.

Does discarding the past make me older than I am or is this such a positive behavior that it actually makes me younger in heart?

Something for me to ponder on this cold winter day….

Love you all…have a wonderful blessed day!

Till next time

carolyn

signs of an early snow…..

Could it be?  Is it possible?  Is mother nature trying to tell us something?

Last weekend The Hubs and I were out driving thru the countryside. It was a lovely day, warm but not hot.  Blue skies with big puffy white clouds that looked like cotton candy.  A perfect day.  Driving down the back roads I was struck by the trees and how much color they had.  Now this is mid to late September and generally speaking the trees normally don’t start turning until well into October.

So my question “Is Mother Nature trying to tell us something?”

According to the Old Farmer’s Almanac, the Mid-Atlantic region should be mild and wet.  Colder but not colder than usual.  What does that even mean?

In a few weeks this area will be ablaze with color!  My absolute favorite time of year.   The air becomes crisp and sweet.  The leaves will dance thru the air.   Sweaters and jackets become the apparel of choice.  The world changes right before your eyes.   Pumpkin patches and corn mazes.

But still ” Is Mother Nature trying to tell us something?”

Will it snow this Fall?  Several years ago it did.  Will this year be a repeat?   Hmmm.

I guess we will just have to wait and see.

Until next time

carolyn

What day is it dear?

Where has time gone?

This is a question I ask myself daily.  I believe that I’m not alone in this pursuit.  It seems like yesterday that I was riding bikes with my brother down the dirt road in front of out house.  Now I look in the mirror and a 53 year old woman is looking back at me.  My mother, a very wise woman, used to tell me that she only looked old on the outside because inside she felt 18.  I completely understand that thinking.  I spent many a day thinking I was 10 foot tall and bullet proof only to find out 25 years later that my body hates me and is paying me back with a vengeance.

This area of Pennsylvania where we live has a large retirement community.  Turns out this state is very good to retirees.  I have a job that allows me to interact with these people daily.  Some are very nice and love to talk and some well lets just say they are not pleasant and probably been unhappy most of their lives.  People live a long time here.  Seeing a 90+ year old still driving, although unnerving, is not uncommon.  Independence and laughter is the key to a long life.

We get so caught up in the day to day that we don’t even realize how fast time is moving.  Yesterday, my children were just babies and in a blink they grew up and walked out into the world.  Like all young parents, you work full time and run kids from one end of the county to the other.  I was head cook, bottle washer and chief laundress!  It seems like one day I woke up and it was over.  Yes it was hectic and some days were so terribly difficult but a word of advice…slow down and really pay attention.  Not only where your children are concerned but with your own life.

Life is short…
Buy the dress
eat the cake
drink the wine
say “I love you”

I know one day before I realize it 30 more years will go by in the blink of an eye.  I’ll be one of the “shouldn’t be drivers” and I’ll be thinking about how fast time has flown by.

I hope this speaks to some of you.

until the next post
carolyn

A year in the life of a southern girl living in a northern world

I sit here this morning with coffee in hand thinking back over the last year of our lives.  We still have friends and family that think we are completely insane for leaving Texas but for us, for me most of all this has been one of the top 5 best decisions I have ever made.  I love our new home state!

There has been so much to see and do here.  Gettysburg which is about 10 miles down the road has reenactments during the summer.  We can hear the cannons being fired!  In our hometown town of New Oxford there is a reenactment from WWII of the liberation of a French village.  The morning we heard that we really weren’t sure what was happening.  It was eerie to hear rifle fire and artillery.  I can imagine that’s what it was like in France when the Allies arrived.  During the summer months Fire Departments in every Township, Borough and spot in the road has a carnival.  Complete with food,  rides, music and fireworks.  Motorcycle riders are everywhere.  We made several long rides last summer thru the mountains.  Even in July you need a jacket in the mountains.  Truly amazing.  Last summer the weather was very cool.  Kinda like winter in Texas…  This summer was reminiscent of a mild Texas summer.  I find it amusing that people were complaining about the heat.  We made a trip down to Skyline Drive in Virginia.  It was so cool the morning we were leaving to head north that we had to stop and purchase sweatshirts!  Can’t do that in Texas during the summer months!  There are hundreds and I mean hundreds of antique shops, craft shops, junk shops in a hundred mile radius of where we live.  In Carlisle they have the equivalent of Canton but for cars.  The Hubs went up with his brother and came home salivating about wanting a muscle car again.

The weather starts changing late August. Then like overnight the leaves change and the landscape becomes this incredible show of yellow, orange, red and brown.  My favorite time of year.  Like last year we drove thru the mountains taking in the world and all its beauty.

Thanksgiving is upon us!  Those of you that know me well know that I started making plans in September.  My favorite holiday hands down!  Last year was crazy!  We had about 25 people here!  It was awesome.  We were lucky enough to have all of our children under one roof.  Truly a blessing.  I’m not a black Friday person but we did spend that day in Philadelphia with Mike and Savana.  A fabulous day. Definitely planning another trip.

Winter will be upon us with the ice, snow and bitter cold.  Yes I am complaining about the cold!  This cold reminds me of Germany and I really thought I was going to freeze to death then.  I’ve learned that layering is my friend and if I don’t need to leave the house I don’t! The snow will start falling and if it’s like it was last year we will be digging ourselves out again.

My life has changed so much in the last 18 months.  I am blessed to have such a wonderful family and friends.  I love you all and I am thankful for your love and friendship.   Thank you all for your patience with me.  I DO realize that I am a difficult person.  lol  Thanks to everyone who has followed my blog.  I am forever grateful for your support.

Happy Thanksgiving!

till the next post

carolyn

 

 

 

 

 

thinking of you

Sometimes a thought comes to me on a whim.  It has significant meaning to me and at time only me.  Although this started out as one thing and has ended up as something totally different.  Please enjoy and share.

carolyn

 

I thought of you today…

You left me.  You walked away without even a whisper of goodbye.  Has it been years or days?  Minutes or hours?  Maybe it was just yesterday or a lifetime ago.  I look for you in the smallest of details but I can no longer see you in my world.

I thought of you today…..

The memories of you are overwhelming.  They take my heart and squeeze till I feel it may break all over again.  I can no longer see your face or hear your voice.  I miss your kindness and your laughter.  I miss you with an ache so deep and so wide that all the stars in the sky could fill.

I thought of you today…..

I know you are not coming back.  I know that as time goes on that the hurt will continue to fade and eventually life will return to a lopsided normal.  A life without you.  A love without you.

I thought of you today and my heart is broken all over again.

Is it the end?

For the last couple of weeks I have been struggling with writing.  I have all of these wonderful thoughts and then when I get ready to put them on paper…poof…they’re gone!

I believe my inability to write has more to do with struggles in my personal life.  The battle to let go and move forward is the hardest thing ever.  We all have those people in our lives that make us bang our heads against the wall.  We sit back and watch as they continue to spiral out of control because you can only fix so much and the time comes to step back and watch the circus unfold.  I am there.

I am a firm believer in “Everything happens for a reason” and that if you don’t like where you are, change it! You are responsible for your own happiness.  You cannot rely on another person to make you happy.  You are the person in control of your future.  Those of you that know me are acutely aware of my brutal honesty and lack of sympathy.  I can be your most loyal friend or I can wipe the slate clean as if you never existed.  I don’t care to do the latter but if push comes to shove I will.

I’m angry, hurt, sad and disappointed.  The worse part of all of this is that it will end up being my fault and I should have talked to them and we could have worked this out.  Years of being the one to apologize and being the one to pick up the pieces and put everything back together stops today.   It’s time I put my life and my happiness first.

So with that said…..The Hubs is home.  Time to be with the love of my life.

I promise the next post will be better.

carolyn

 

WTF

Sitting here this morning watching the world fall apart on the news.  My thoughts are many and my heart is broken.  Our country, this place that I like so many others love to the depths of our souls has completely fallen apart.

At no time have I ever wanted to make this into a political rant but here it is.

At a time when there is so much heartbreak and suffering.  People dying at the hands of assholes who have no desire but to harm Americans.  No matter what differences we have we are still American Americans.  The problem is not about guns as our government would lead us to believe.  It’s about hate.  Pure unadulterated HATE.  There is no respect anymore.

This is not about one group being more important than another whether it’s the color of your skin or the job you have.  The division of the country is leading us down a dark road and at a time when the President has an opportunity to unite our country all he is doing is tearing us further apart.  I want to thank you Mr President for being the absolute worst Commander in Chief this country has ever had.  You had a chance to really unite us and all you’ve done is tear us apart.

If any of you are offended by what I have written my words to you…Grow the hell up!

 

carolyn

 

 

The light from the fire

I am 52 years old.  I have made peace with my 25 year old self.. It wasn’t easy and I don’t wish this on anyone but…..But, we all need to do this!

I myself suffered from Scarlett O’Hara syndrome..everything and I mean everything was put off till tomorrow!  Not a wise decision on my part but at the time I was only concerned with what I could have complete control of and everything else got put off till tomorrow.  Turns out tomorrow was closer than I thought.

Ten years ago I finally hit tomorrow.  Everything and I mean everything came crashing down on me.  It was so overwhelming that it pushed me to seek professional help.  I had years and years of crap to deal with and had no idea how to even begin.  It took about a year of therapy but I was able to cope with my past and to accept the decisions I had made along the way.

Now I’ve told you all this to explain the rest of the story…

You have to make peace with your past and forgive yourself so you can have peace with yourself in the future.

Some of us cannot let go.  We hold grudges and get so wrapped up in the drama that we don’t even realize that we are up to our necks in quicksand.  When this happens we look around and see just how much has been lost.  Friends, relationships and even marriages.  Some cannot let go and continue to keep that grasp on the past, unable to move into the present or the future.  How many are left behind because one grows and wants more and the other doesn’t?

I recently asked some friends of mine, those that I have known most of my life if I had changed.. I was inspired and dismayed by the responses but all in all I am still the girl I was all those years ago but much wiser.

I found this quote on Pinterest:

“Sometimes you get the best light from a burning bridge”

-Don Henley.

There are a lot of truth in those words..  If it wasn’t good for you and caused you pain(even though you only want to hang on to the good you want to remember), burn that bridge and enjoy the warmth from the fire as you walk away.

Some of you won’t have a clue what I’m talking about and if that’s the case this was not directed to you.

I love you all…..

till the next post

carolyn

 

 

This could be the start of an old country song…..

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I recently made a quick trip down memory lane. I realized like most of us that we don’t quite remember the past the way it really happened. I’m not quite sure if it’s just the fact that after many years of good or bad, happy or sad, horrible or fantastic, the past becomes a memory of what we hoped it had been. Maybe it’s just me and not everyone feels this way. But I have a sneaky suspicion that what I’m stating is in fact truth.
OK, so now that we have that cleared up…on with my story..

I graduated from a very small school deep in the Big Thicket of South East Texas. We were the largest class to walk across the stage(and I believe the last to actually graduated in the auditorium). The last count that I remember was 75. Small school, not as small as some but small to us. Everyone knew everyone. We were mostly friends. We were family. We may fight each other but dare anyone to try to hurt one of us well… Bless their poor little hearts….lol

During a recent trip to Texas I had the opportunity to have dinner with some of these awesome people. Something about being over 50 gives you a different perspective on life. There were no barriers from youth, friendships from years past were renewed and new friendships were made. This was truly a wonderful gift for me and for that I am grateful.

Sitting there at the table, talking about my life(good, bad and indifferent) I realized that for some of us we do look to the past with a rose-colored tint. We have become not necessarily tolerant but more than that we have developed this ability to see thru most of the crap only because we have lived and endured most of it. You cannot change your past but you can become the best version of yourself. I believe that is what we have all done and this makes us excepting of the people we used to be especially to ourselves. As I look at the pictures of us I still see the younger versions of ourselves. A few pounds slimmer, more hair, less grey, no wrinkles and full of life and promise of the future. In our minds we are still those 18 year old kids looking forward to everyday…I still feel this way but now I just move a lot slower…lol

I had no intentions of this being a serious post but here it is.
so till the next post

carolyn

It’s cold in them hills!

Sorry it’s been a bit since my last post.  Between the holidays and my job(I am part of the workforce again and not just a retired slacker) time has not been on my side.

But……..

Now it’s just cold.  Not fa la la la la cold.  Bitter, slice thru you like a knife cold.  Now I know that my true northern Yankee friends will call me names and laugh at me and say “That’s not cold!”  Well let me just say…..5 degrees is COLD!  I lived most of my life in Texas and yes we had winter and it would get cold but never anything like this!  I have always said about the seasons in Texas that I could put enough clothes on to stay warm in the winter but couldn’t take enough off in the summer to stay cool.  Well that put enough on to stay warm up here does not apply!  My mom-in-law told me that since our first snow was on the 17th that we should see 17 snows this winter.  Round 3 start tomorrow.  Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. Ummmmm….no.

OK, enough complaining about the weather.

I realize that this is rather short, but I’m getting back into the swing of writing again. I promise more to come soon, very soon.

So until my next post.

carolyn