Saying Goodbye

How do you tell someone you love goodbye?

I haven’t really thought about it much until today.  I woke this morning as with nearly every other morning…coffee, news and social media…but today was different.  I was suddenly struck with the reality that I am leaving!  This is real!  The house is secured,the truck is reserved and the date to move is set.  Then the tears started and the truth was revealed…

I miss my children.

I am a strong-willed, strong-minded woman.  I am usually the last one standing but when it comes to my kids, well that is a different story.  My children, Michael and Savana are the barometer of my life.  Their highs and lows and how they handle those situations speaks volumes on how I raised them.  I always tried to teach them strength and that nothing in life comes free. Hard work, perseverance and honesty are the keys to great things.

Now I am leaving them.

Although they both left home years ago and of course with modern technology we communicate nearly everyday.  We have for the most part always lived in the same state.  In 6 very short weeks I will be 9 states, count them Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, Tennessee, Virginia, West Virginia, Maryland and Pennsylvania away!

This morning when the realization of this came crashing down my children proved to me that all those years of struggle, conflict and tears completely paid off.  They have become what I have always wanted them to be and worked so hard to instill in them.

Right now my heart is breaking from the knowledge of how much I will miss them, but also at this moment I am overwhelmed with the pride I have for them.  These children, these 2 beautiful pieces of me are my legacy and for that I am grateful.

So this morning may have started out like any other but this day will end on a different note.  I know saying goodbye will be hard and I will miss them terribly but I also know that I have raised two strong and loving people and everything for all of us will be just fine.

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until the next post

carolyn

waiting for patience

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As I sit here typing, my mind is in overdrive. I am constantly going over and over everything on my daily list (and inevitably I still miss or forget something). So welcome to my world of little or no patience.

I continually remind myself of the quote “Patience is a virtue” and after years saying this over and over it hasn’t worked.  So here I sit typing trying to keep my mind somewhat occupied so I am not looking at my emails every 5 seconds!

Oh wait I should tell you what is really going on…..We found a house!!!! I am now ever so patiently waiting for the email with the lease. It has been a bit of a stressful weekend. At one point we were sure we would not get the house but the call came yesterday afternoon and we now have a house!

I know that everyone has their on strengths and weaknesses. I have always considered myself to be a strong self reliant person. I shun the “oh poor me” attitude. I am the kick you in the butt kind of person. As my friends have told me, I should never work on a suicide hotline. But alas I still have a weakness…… Patience.

I have been this way my whole life, but this has gotten worse with age. My belief is the job that I retired from last year had a large part in my lack of patience. You can only deal with stupidity and ignorance for so long before it completely wears you down. I have also learned that when you ask God for patience he loads you up with situations that require patience. I now ask for strength when dealing with situations that I have no patience for and this seems to work out better.

So here I sit typing this post, checking my phone every few seconds for an email, praying for strength and wishing that I had more patience.

until the next post

carolyn

Past, Present and Future

I could be talking about one of those 3 stone diamond rings but actually this is about friends and friendship.

In my 50 plus years I have had lots of friends.  A few best friends, you know the ones that know every little dirty secret about you and still love you anyway…  A lot of good friends, the ones that will have a drink with you or listen to you bitch about your boss(you know who you are). Then there are those people who come into your life and end up making such a profound impact that they are forever connected to you.  It’s not that they are really a friend but the relationship in itself is a friendship (does that even make sense?).

Can you remember your first friend?  I can.  First grade…Mrs Campbell’s class.  Her name was Pam. She was shorter than me and had brown hair.  Now the school that we went to was small.  Everyone knew everyone.  So as the years progressed my friends changed, as did everyone else.  By the time my Senior year came along my friends had changed to Paula, Rhonda, Wanda and Brenda. With a graduating class of less than 100 people at some point and time over the 12 years of school we were all friends.

Time moves forward..after graduation I still kept some of my friends from school but I made new friends from where I worked.  We had a lot of fun and of course it’s a wonder we were not arrested..lol

The I joined the Army and this changed my friend list forever.  Even though I served during the Cold War and for us the only fighting going on was with each other, our connection is just as tight as those whom have been in combat.  I would have given my life for my brothers and sisters in arms.  Unless you have been there it is hard to understand.  Carla and Linda, these two I met in basic.  Carla has been my constant over the last 30 years.  Divorce, kids, death, surgery and just about anything else you can think of.  We have had our highs and lows and no matter how mad we get we are still the dearest of friends.  Linda came back in about 5 years ago.  I don’t think we even liked each other back during our Army days but we now have a wonderful mutual respect and love for each other.  I am forever thankful for these two women in my life.

The friends made during those years in the Army are not limited to just women.  There were so few of us women and we had to rely on each other so much that deep bonds are created.  We may have fought or argued one minute but we were laughing and having a good time the next.  Social media has been a great thing for us.  We live all over the world but we can talk to each other everyday.  I have other good friends from those days and you know who you are.

When I look at my life now, I still have dear friends from my past but I have made good friends in what I consider this present time of my life.  I married my best friend.  It only took 45 years but I found him.  My life with Joel is everything I have ever wanted and more.

As my future unfolds before my eyes and this next great adventure stands ready to leave the gate I look back at all the people who have come into my life.  Those who have stayed and those that chose to leave and those that I kicked out.  Some of you I have never met in person, some of you I haven’t seen in 30 years but yet here we are still connected even closer than we were in real-time.  I hope and pray that all of you will continue on this journey with me.  I promise it won’t be boring!

until the next post

carolyn

Is it Leaving or The Next Great Adventure?

How many times in our lives have we left our home? Whether it be from our parents or an ex or to move away from the place that we have called home, how many times?
For myself that number is in double digits. I have envied the person who can live in the same town all of their life. I have never wanted to do this but I have secretly disliked the people who could.
I grew up in a very small town in South East Texas. The great majority of the people whom I graduated high school are still there. That town was never enough for me, I always wanted more. The military was my escape for many reasons, but mainly I just wanted out!
So was I leaving home?
I have lived in this county in East Texas for over 20 years and this is now home. My children grew up here. I have family that lives here. I have some truly good friends here. So with this move am I leaving home?  I have asked myself this question numerous times and for me the answer is not leaving but embarking on the next adventure of my life.

My friends think I am near insane to want to leave Texas and move to Yankee land.  I also had friends tell me was I crazy for joining the Army and moving to the other side of the world.  That was the best move of my life!  That was the move that helped me understand that I am a wanderer.

Those of you that live here understand that everything is 2 hours away.  Usually no matter what direction it’s going to take you 2 hours and most of the time you are still in Texas.  In Pennsylvania going 2 hours can bring me to possibly 5 different states and endless things to do.  There are downsides to moving to the North East.  People, lots and lots of people.  They are Yankees and for the most part they are nice.  Of course my deep southern accent helps.  I would like to think they find it charming but then again they are yanks  so who knows.   The winters for me will be brutal but I have lived in Germany during one of the worst winters and survived.  After years and years of thinking my skin was going to melt off of my body during the summers, I look forward to a mild, pleasant August for a change.

This move is not my leaving Texas but taking Texas with me on this great adventure.

so till the next post…..

carolyn